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I know we need to move. I don't need to be reminded. I sometimes wish the people who are criticizing me, either to my face or behind my back would walk a mile in my freakin shoes. Just one lousy mile; that's all I ask. The task of trying to find a place of our own to live in Ft. Myers, FL, with no significant money for a down payment and bad credit, is about as close to impossible as I've ever had the pleasure to know. 

Try going through ad after ad after ad after ad after ad touting amenities such as "new carpeting! all appliances! A/C! new tile! screened lanai! [that's a fancy way of saying 'backporch' down here] washer/dryer in the unit!"

Would I like all those things? Hell yeah I would!! BUT --

I need to have spic and span credit, 1st month, last month, and a security deposit (which, at $1000 - $1700/month ... yeah, you do the math), no pets, I should be no taller than 5' 7 1/4", my dad's last name should begin with a letter of the alphabet between A-J, I should be someone who always turns the knobs on the stove 47.28 degrees past the medium-low setting, and preferably I have had no contact with anyone under the age of 23 in the past 6 years. You think I'm making this up. Okay, some of it I am. But that's what it feels like: everywhere you go ... carrots dangling everywhere, as far as the eye can see and just as you get close enough to grab it ... NOPE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Eventually this donkey's just gonna quit. Fuck your damn carrots. Turns my fur orange anyway. 

And incidentally that is starting to happen, meaning, I'm not the only one who feels this way about finding a place to live here, and it's starting to have it's effect on housing down here, much to my giddy delight. I wish those of us looking for affordable housing could organize ourselves as well as the immigrants did, organize ourselves to WALK OUT OF FORT MYERS and just shut the city down. Just for a week. Let those powers that be see what it feels like for a minute or two. But that is unlikely to happen. It's a nice cozy thought, though.  

I just want a place of my own. I don't give a damn about a screened lanai, or a window over the kitchen sink, or even new carpeting for that matter. I pay my rent every month. Every month. Without fail. I've never been evicted. Never. I've never even had utilities shut off. Never. I've had my phone shut off, but that's because I've got priorities: phone or hot water or lights??? I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even smoke cigarettes! I hold down a steady job and I'm kind to animals. I don't blast loud music either. Ever. Not ever. I'm clean, I'm no Suzy Homemaker, but I'm clean, I don't have pest problems. I'm an ideal neighbor. Double-you tee eff. 

Have I made bad choices in life? You betcha. You show me someone who hasn't

Do I want a hand-out? Uh, no. A hand, yes, but not a hand-out. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just looking for a damn place to live!!!

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