January 22nd, 2005

Long road home

One more thing...

Now I remember what I wanted to make a note of when I was in here earlier.

Nowadays, when I check my Yahoo! email, quite often there will be ABSOLUTELY NO NEW MAIL awaiting me. At first I was a little disappointed; and then I realized, well, there has to be a rite of passage of some sort, huh? Passage from the person I used to be to the person I am now, and the person I am becoming. What this means is that I no longer associate with many of the people who used to populate my mailbox. That's a good thing; those friendships turned out to be either destructive or simply past their expiration date. I don't want to hang onto friendships that aren't enriching me or challenging me on some level.

So it's quite all right that I'm not getting mail from old 'friends' (with a few exceptions) -- I don't want to get mail from those people anyway!

This will make getting email from some new friends all the more sweet and fulfilling. I am in charge of my life in ways I never thought I'd achieve for as young as I am. For my emotional development, I didn't think I'd be where I am now until I'm 50 or older. So that is a good thing! (Although this is not to say I don't still have some maturing to do; I just don't have as much maturing to do as I did say, 5 years ago -- Thank God for small favors!!!)

For now, I wait, but it's not so bad. I find I am pretty good company. I figure it's only a matter of time before the kind of people I WANT to hang out with figure that out too. And I'm not in any rush ... which is refreshing. Refreshing indeed to be able to take my time, smell the roses, enjoy their beauty ... and in good time, I will be able to share my enjoyment with someone special, too!

I can't wait to meet him!

One final note: it's nice to not be filled with resentment, too. I was humbled when I was reminded of Susan St. James' words, which I included in an earlier entry from the other journal: "Resentment is like when you take a poison and hope the other person dies."

She was right.
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