July 19th, 2007

Diffused light

Modern technology

I just spent the past hour crafting an entry about part of a program I caught on TV while at work last night.

And then I mistakenly navigated away from the page and lost everything, because I wasn't logged in, I was using a generic "update journal" page, so it wasn't automatically saving a draft of what I was writing because I wasn't logged in.

I so do NOT want to start my day this way. This is what my whole week has been like: I finally got up early today - finally, I've only been trying all week now ... and now all my work was in my vain. I got up early so I would have time to do what I want before I have to start waiting on everyone else. All in vain. Nothing to show for it. I've been so unmotivated all week because I've been unable to grab some time for myself to do something edifying for myself.

And now, instead of a well-crafted and intelligent journal entry on this magnificent TV program I saw last night, instead of the way I WANT to present myself to the world, I wind up bitching about how once again, I lose. I am so depressed right now I can't even explain it. It feels like there's some force at work that is bound and determined to squelch my voice, to quash my efforts at promoting a better world to live in.

My precious free time is gone. I don't even have time to sit here and try to remember what I wrote. The pure joy I would have felt at posting that entry, gone with one swift and neglectful keystroke. I had several other tabs open, why in hell did I conduct a search on this one?