So there I was watching television on my dinner break tonight. I was happy to see Dateline was on. The stories I happened to catch were two of the most unexpectedly inspirational stories I've heard in a long time. The first one was about these revelations in how a dieter's mind works. It was absolutely fascinating, but then anything that has to do with health and fitness interests me. You wouldn't think so just by looking at me; I think it's more the novelty of hearing the latest news than anything. New developments get my attention. I just have to know what's new, what is the latest invention, what is the latest word coming from the industry, what are they selling now???
So what's so interesting about the way a dieter's mind works? Well, according to Dateline's Hoda Kotb (one of my favorite storytellers at Dateline!), the dieter tends to eat more -- yes, that's right, *more* -- when they are in a social situation (as opposed to being alone), when they have already broken their dieting 'rules' for the day, and when they are under stress. It was utterly amazing to see the women in the test study prove the tester's theories about these situations.
The other story was about a real-life "million dollar baby", a woman by the name of Katie from Missouri.
Then I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition on ABC.
And frankly, I was so overwhelmed by what I saw and heard tonight that it kind of had a short-circuiting effect in a way. Like, I desperately wanted to sit down and write about how it all made me feel, on the one hand ...
... on the other hand, I am, once again, feeling painfully the limitations imposed on me by the internet access I have. When I am at work, I am constantly burdened by a need to censor myself (to an extent), not to mention the fact that the room I sit in has the temperature of a meat locker. Then, if I stay late to do my journalling, at the end of it I must face the drive home, park the car, drag my sorry ass up the stairs, and go through the whole routine of setting my bags down, feed the cats, change my clothes, etc., etc., etc.
If I just had this portal at home ... but indeed I am getting closer to that goal. Here it is the end of April already! That was the deal: I had to make myself wait til the end of April, re-evaluate my financial situation at this time, and then decide how to proceed. Get the loan? Or wait another month?
(I'll probably wait another month.)
The other problem with doing my journalling at work is it cuts into my bedtime. If I get to bed late, and I invariably do when I stay late to write in my journal, then I get up that much later the next day. The later I get up, the less likely I am to get to my "to do" list.
Last night I was here so late, I decided to get some breakfast at McDonald's, and went to bed after watching the sun come up. I didn't come down too hard on myself for it, though, because I only have one day off this week, and anyway, I don't generally get too much done on Sundays as it is. It doesn't matter whether I have to work on Sunday or not. Doctors, banks, and other business offices that people do business with are closed, for one thing. The library is open, but the hours are extremely limited: they open at 1pm, and they close at 5pm. And anyway, if I have to work, the closing time doesn't really matter.
Except during the week, I can, and quite often do, go on my dinner break. Yet another thing I can't do on Sundays. All I can do is wait for Monday.
And this week, Monday is my only day off. Now, obviously, I'm not going to be *at work* for the entire 24 hour period each day I'm there. But I have a routine, and sometimes I like to sleep late, and other times I just don't have the desire to deal with people at the library. Not only that but my job is so stressful most days, that I do well not to compound what awaits me at work by creating more stress before I go into work! So sometimes, yes, I just sit on my butt at home, stare out the window daydreaming, because if I don't I might not be able to do my job.
Okay, I'm done venting. I just keep telling myself, this is temporary, and then I think, will having internet access at home *really* make my life easier? I mean, I'll have added monthly bills to have that privilege -- the additional phone bill, and the monthly payment for the computer!
Yeah, I know. I should quit complaining, and be glad I am able to provide this for myself. :P