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Forgive me for not waxing as poetically as I sometimes do. This has been an unusual week, which is the understatement of the millennium.

Night before last I received news that one of my boyfriend's good friends killed himself. I'd met Dave when I was down in Ft. Myers last month -- uh, actually July, this is September now, isn't it? -- and I thought he was a pretty nice guy with a colorful personality. He happened to be with us when we hung out in Sarasota at the Speakeasy, when Julia and Ric played at open-mic night. We all sat at one table together and listened to some of the best singing and guitar playing as I've heard in a while at the local level, and ate gator tail. After a while a handful of us walked up the street a ways to the beach, to catch the sun setting on the Gulf of Mexico. It was me, Glenn, Mark, and Dave. It was positively blissful; I was swept away with love for my man, I felt like he and I were the sun and the moon standing on that beach at that moment, and Mark and Dave were our worthy subjects, satellites revolving around our gravitational pull.

Now, Dave is gone, and I find that very hard to accept. Considering I know so very little about him, and spent even less time in his presence, he certainly made an impression on me, a positive one. But then, my man's friends are *ALL* good people, so that's no surprise. If this news were, God forbid, about any one of them, my grief would be no less. We should have lost NO ONE this week -- not one, not Dave, not any one of them.

Dave, if you're out there, you might be reading this. We miss you terribly, but I think we all understand why you did it. This is a crazy, hateful world we live in, and we all struggle with our personal demons. I wonder sometimes how I conquer my own struggle. So, keep an eye on us, wouldja? We'll never forget you; the time was way, way, way too short ... but far from meaningless. I for one am glad I had the chance to meet you; I just never imagined I wouldn't be hanging out, eating gator tail in Sarasota, with you and the rest of the gang again.

Feel free to come back and join us, if you figure out a way to do that. ;) :P

That is bad news to receive about anyone, at any time ... but working in the news business THIS week, with the constant pummelling of images from the Katrina-battered Gulf coast makes it too much to bear. But there's a half-hour to fill, so if losing a cherished friend, and thousands of lives elsewhere because of a hurricane isn't enough for ya, how's about the local stories of death and destruction???

The irony is, the weather up here couldn't BE more perfect and beautiful. It's a harsh contrast, and difficult to enjoy.

Yes, I've officially had my fill of death and destruction these past 10 months, thank you very much. The tsunami disaster last December, the London bombings a couple months ago, not to mention the regional and national stories of death of innocence, week in and week out -- I'm talking about the stories of children abducted, abused, beaten to death, used for pornography ... and now this. I usually pride myself on having the fortitude to do my job and do it well, without losing my sensitivity toward such stories. But this week has been a real test, and not a test I wish to go through again any time soon.

I wish I had the strength and daring to up and leave my comfortable life here in Grand Rapids to go pitch in with the recovery effort down south. I am totally and utterly humbled by the pictures I've seen of allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the people who lost EVERYTHING thanks to Katrina.

And frustrated by the fact that there is so much suffering, right here in the wealthiest nation in the world, and we can't even seem to help our own. I know people are working hard to right the situation down there; I know there's a lot of sacrifices being made north to south, coast to coast, but it just seems like in the United States of America, with our wholesome, God-fearing values, the suffering shouldn't have even gone on ONE day, let alone a week. What is wrong with us?

Or is this just another lesson in limitations?

Who knows.

I sincerely hope the news in this journal improves drastically before the end of the month!


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 3rd, 2005 03:39 am (UTC)
sending my love...
Sep. 3rd, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks. ^.^ It's getting better, a little bit each day. I don't think anyone will be the same after all this. Sorry I missed your call the other night. I was in the middle of a newscast. ;) And I have an email to answer, so I think I'll go do that...
Sep. 5th, 2005 03:03 am (UTC)
your right. It will never be the same over here, or New Orleans. During this time there are a lot of people renewing bonds and reassessing life. It is a shame that it takes something this tragic for people to start doing that. I still cannot believe he is gone. My mind, which normally has a pretty good grasp on reality and a lot of things in between, is still fighting this fact, that Dave is gone from this physical realm. I have had friend and family die in the past but I do not think any of them have effected me the way Dave's death has. He was so much a part of my life that there were times I wish he was not around. Now I wish I could take back all those times I wished that. Be careful what you wish for I guess they say. I have always had a pretty tight reign on my emotions but it is so hard to write, talk, or just think about this without my eyes watering. If it were not for you baby, I would feel so lost right now.

This may sound fucked up but it is not. If one of us were to die, i would rather it be you. I would not want you to have to feel this way about me, death would be so much better. IT is one thing to live in the absence of love, but to have had it richly, and then to have lost it....it is to difficult to comprehend.

I love you more than Ranch dressing :)
Sep. 5th, 2005 03:32 am (UTC)
You know, I didn't get a chance to tell you last night, but one reason I was able to put so much feeling into singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" along with Bette Midler on the radio last night was because that song makes me think of you: you are the wind beneath my wings now, baby. ^.^

"Thank you, Thank you, thank God for you: the wind beneath my wings."

Wow, more than Ranch dressing, huh? Well, now I know you love me, if you love me more than Ranch dressing! ;) :P 'Cos I know how much you love Ranch dressing.

Every time I see that commercial about the guy's 'Ranch tooth' I think of you, and it makes me smile. I see that commercial alot, so that means I think of you alot (pfft, like I needed any help with that), which in turn means I smile alot. :) <-- See?

You know which commercial I'm talking about babe?

I love you more than ... anything I can think of. :)
Sep. 5th, 2005 03:36 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, almost forgot:

As for which one of us dies first ... I understand what you meant, it doesn't sound 'fucked-up'.

Frankly, I prefer not to contemplate what life would be like for either one of us if either one of us passes on before the other. I'm quite enjoying life with you right now, my darling. It's all I can think about!

Dave Kraft was one lucky guy to have had a friend like you. :) I never doubted that you thought highly of him, you just had your own unique way of showing it, hon. :)

Now ... I'm the lucky one. :) :) :)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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