Ramona (ann15warsaw72) wrote,

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Never get to see this show and it's always the same episode when I do

Somehow I just lost everything I just wrote. I dunno. I don't get it. I hardly ever have time anymore to write here, which I love so dearly to do, and then the ONE freakin' time I do it, and I lose everything. It just makes me want to cry.

The thing that gets me is, I did a "ctrl+A" and a "ctrl+C" ... all I did was close the preview page. I clicked on the "X" in the upper right hand corner, but then I noticed it didn't close. When I checked on it, I get the hourglass and when I click on the "X" again I get the message to either end the task now or click on cancel to let it keep doing what it's doing. But I was also warned: "Clicking 'End Now' will lose any unsaved information..."


Moment lost. It's like I imagined having a stillborn child would be like. You spend time creating, you carry it around inside of you, incubating until just the right time to give birth, then when you do your blessed little creation is lost forever.

Okay, in all fairness it's not quite the same, except maybe on a much different level.

In other, happier news, I'd like to thank LJ for introducing me to my new favorite LJ: postmarks. You really should check them out. To me, using photography in the blog format is THE best use of a blog, plain and simple. A clever blend of photographs and written, short descriptions is the recipe for a successful blog (if anyone were to ask me).

And by the way, married life is nothing short of awesome!!!

Yes, I must say something about that now, something more, because I think it's been a valuable lesson. There were many times when I really didn't believe Glenn was the right one for me. And we fought. Bitterly. Through it all, he never gave up on me. And now here we are, and I'm as happy as can be. It's not perfect, in fact it's nothing like what I dreamed a wedding/marriage ought to be -- it's much better ... because we fought for it. And that's the secret of a happy marriage: it's not finding someone who makes you feel like a million bucks, because that feeling is fleeting, and life is not like that. It's finding someone who can hack the test of time, no matter what.

And it is only now that I am able to rejoice over the fact that I have exactly what I was hoping and praying for, begging God night after night after lonely night to bring me: the right one for me. There is NO ONE in this whole world more right for me than the man I'm married to; and isn't that how it "ought" to be?

(Of course, there is a whole lot more to this story, many more details that I don't care to share with the rest of the world. But I will say that the other outstanding trait two people who want a happy marriage should have is willingness to change, or willingness to compromise. That and unshakable commitment to each other, and you're off to a rollicking, frolicking good start.) :)

But back to my new favorite blog, postmarks: it inspires me. It makes me want to get more serious about pursuing my own self-expression through photography. Not that I consider myself a photographer, and it's not that I even wish to be recognized for it. It's just that I enjoy it so much, and one thing I've been wanting to do for way, way, way too long is post my self-expression, be it photography or Photo Shop-raphy :) on the internet like so many people do. That way I can share it with my family who lives way far away in Ohio, and all my friends around the country and beyond.

It's not that I want to be immortalized either. It's more of a purging or a birthing, like I have to get this out of me in order to make way for new self-expression to come along. I have to create this and then send it off into the world to brighten, enlighten or teach. Or all three, preferably. Moreover, I don't ever want to lose touch with me, because if I do then there's no point in keeping touch with anyone else. We all have unique gifts; what makes them work is when we all work together. :)

That's all.
Tags: dreams, goals, love, me, photography

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